When parents don’t enforce the limits they set, or don’t set any at all, the teens feel uncertain about what they can get away with, so they keep pushing the envelop… until they go too far. The identity of who is in charge and has the power in the relationship gets muddled. Teens lose their trust in their parents’ ability to parent, and disrespect grows.
Begin with baby steps. Make your talks short and sweet in the beginning. Chat for a moment or two, and then excuse yourself. If your teen wants to continue the conversation, she’ll follow you out of the room. If she doesn’t, she won’t feel any pressure. It will be a pleasant experience for both of you.
The “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” philosophy does not work. It only serves to teach her that you don’t actually believe in the “Do As I Say” part. What you Say and Do ALWAYS matters. If she sees you living a lie, her trust in you suffers.
That, my friends, is the core of teen angst.